January is often described as the most depressing month of the year. In fact, in recent years the third Monday in January has come to be known as ‘Blue Monday’ due to the mixture of gloomy weather, post-Christmas debt, and the likelihood of New Year’s resolutions been broken. Even though Blue Monday originated as a PR stunt by Sky Travel to sell holidays, it is true that many people suffer from low mood and other mental health conditions become more prevalent in the winter months.
During winter, most people get very little exposure to sunlight. Sunlight is believed to play a role in modulating our hormonal melatonin levels. Melatonin is the hormone responsible for helping us sleep. Also, sunlight is thought to increase the brain’s release of serotonin, the neurotransmitter most commonly linked with boosting our mood and helping us feel calm and focused. Having a lack of melatonin and serotonin can cause sleep problems as well as low mood, anxiety and depression.
In this article we will give you some advice and tips on noticing when others around you are struggling with their mental health and how to support them. This could be a relative, friend, a colleague or a member of your congregation at church. Some of the advice in this article could also be useful for self-help, however if you find yourself in need of support our previous article on looking after yourself may be more helpful.
Signs that someone may not be ok
It is not always easy to spot if someone is struggling with their mental health. Often people will hide their struggles so not feel a burden to others. However there are some signs you can look out for that someone may need some help:
- Being restless or agitated
- Displaying anger or aggression
- If they are tearful
- Being tired or lacking in energy
- Not wanting to talk or be with people
- Not wanting to do things they would normally enjoy
- Using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings
- Talking about feeling hopeless, helpless or worthless
- A change in routine, such as sleeping or eating more or less
- Engaging in risk-taking behaviour, like gambling or violence
What to do if you think someone is struggling
Once you have noticed that someone is not ok, you might be unsure about what to do next. If you are worried that the person is in immediate danger or harming themselves or others, you should ring 999. If you prefer, the Samaritans can call an ambulance on your behalf. Call them on 116 123.
If you are not worried they are in immediate danger but are worried about them then it is best to open up a conversation with them, expressing your concern and saying you can help. Make sure neither of you are in a rush when having this conversation, you need to show you have time for them and it may take them a while to feel comfortable opening up.
When talking to someone struggling, it is best to use active listening. Active listening is communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks but also understanding the meaning behind them. You must be fully present in the conversation (not looking at your phone), maintain eye contact, notice (and use) non-verbal cues, ask open ended questions to encourage further responses and reflect back what has been said to show you have understood. Active listening is listening to understand rather than to respond, judge or advice.
Once you feel you have understood how they are feeling, it might be useful to offer some practical help as well as a listening ear. Small things like offering to do their shopping, giving them a lift places or going with them to appointments can make people feel less alone.
What to do if you feel someone needs more help
If someone’s mental health is affecting their daily life, they probably need further support. You can recommend that they talk to their GP, NHS 111 or refer themselves to their local IAPT service (Improving Access to Psychological Service Therapies).
If they need more urgent support, they can call Samaritans for free on 116 123. Or text “SHOUT” to 85258 to contact Shout. CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is another option for people who are feeling down. Their phone lines are open daily from 5pm – midnight on 0800585858.
There are some dedicated support services for young people. Papyrus is for under 35s who feel that life is not worth living anymore. Their helpline is open from 9am to midnight every day. Call 0800 068 4141 or text 07860 039967. Childline is also available for under 19s on 0800 1111. Mind have detailed information and support services for parents and carers supporting a young person.
The Hub of Hope is a national database that brings together local mental help services and will be able to point you towards support in your area.
Knowing your limits and looking after yourself
It is important to know your limits and what support you can provide. You must always remember to take care of yourself and not neglect your own wellbeing when helping others. It is essential to give yourself time to rest and process the conversations you have been having. Try to help the person you are worried about create a support network of other friends, relatives and mental health professionals, so you do not feel alone or responsible for supporting them 24/7.
Also, you will likely benefit from talking to someone about how you are feeling. You may want to be careful about how much information you share about the person you are supporting (unless you have their consent). Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help you feel supported as well.
Clergy Wellbeing
If you or the person you are supporting are a member of the clergy, we have a section on our website called Clergy Wellbeing which includes details about different areas of support, including; financial hardship support, sabbaticals, retreats, mentoring and counselling.